At least one thing was accomplished this week…
I made it to PoleFit.
On one hand, I’m so angry at myself for missing it for so long. I could be doing inverted tricks by now. On the other hand…I could keep up. My weight didn’t hold me back. I was keeping up and still remembered how to do a lot of the basic moves, so I didn’t look like a complete fool. I love this instructor so much more than my last one. Of course…the woman who piloted the program at that gym is the best (she was an Eagles cheerleader…so she’s pretty incredible), but this current woman is awesome. With only 6 poles in the class, you have to switch on and off. Pole or floor exercises. So lots of ab, leg, and core strengthening exercises. On the pole, she had us building up our strength to pull up our body weight. For me…this is a huge weaknesses. Amazingly enough, my arms are incredibly weak. I’ve always depended on my lower half for any kind of strength. The challenge that PoleFit provides is incredible. And…I did a headstand. With help from a wall. But I still did it! I’ve never done a headstand!
Class was on Wednesday. Last night and throughout today…my body let me know it was recovering. Oh, the pain! Stomach cramping (stupid crunches), jelly arms (curse you, pull ups!), and fatigue…oh, wait. That’s from life in general.
Speaking of life…it’s been throwing me for a loop. Have you ever had that stretch of nonstop stress and aggravation? I’ve been feeling pretty defeated. My job has been making me unhappy. I’ve become lax with my spending habits and find myself behind where I want to be and where I should be. I’ve forgotten about important paperwork and need to scramble to make sure my tuition is covered and I receive reimbursement from my employer. I feel like I’ve been a terrible girlfriend, sister, and friend. I’ve not been there for anyone – not even myself. By some divine intervention…this emotional void has not manifested itself in my appearance. But I have felt the numbness inside of me, and I know that it’s been noticeable by those close to me.
It’s sort of ironic…I just finished The Help (as in the novel), which is about overcoming those feelings of weakness and inferiority and achieving something, no matter what the cost.
I have options. I know I do. But I’m not willing to face any consequences. I don’t want to deal with the backlash. I’m afraid.
But I’m also determined. I don’t want to quit. I don’t want to be beaten. I want my positivity and optimism to overcome anything. And I want to be there for the people I love.
There are these fleeting moments when I feel “normal” – happy and carefree. Then reality smacks me upside the head and reminds me all that glitters is not gold.
So slowly…oh, so slowly…I’m regaining where I was. And not to impose any type of theism on anyone – but there is a lot of prayer involved. But if you want to share what you would do in a situation like this – or what you have done in a comparable situation – your words of wisdom and experience would be more than appreciated and encouraged.
Til then…I’ll be looking forward to working the pole some more. 😉